When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability…. To be alive is to be vulnerable.
– Madeleine L’Engle
When you’re a kid, you think that life will be amazing when you ‘grow up.’ You look at the adults in your life and since they are adults, they appear to have it all together. They appear to have all the answers. As a result, you assume that once you hit the magical age of 18 or 20 or so, you’ll be initiated into that special club of adulthood and voila! you magically have all the answers and panache to handle anything the wide world swings at you.
And then you grow up and discover that there’s no magical wand, and adults don’t have all the answers; at least, you most definitely do not. In fact, you do more flying by the seat of your pants and faking it than anything sometimes.
That’s how life feels in a nutshell 99% of the time for me. Sometimes I take a look at my life and wonder when people are going to figure out that I’m just faking it and will kick me out of the ‘grown-ups club.’ As I make lists of ceremony and reception sites to check out, I almost feel nervous, as if the sales people are going to smell naivety and figure out that I really don’t know what I’m doing. It’s almost as if I’m certain that I’ll be an utter failure at wedding planning.
(Yeah, I’m a bit of a perfectionist with a tendency to be dramatic to boot)
Still. You know what? I am grown up. I might not feel like it at times. I might worry that I don’t look like it sometimes. I might not act like it sometimes (swings at the playground, anyone?). But – I am an adult. I mess up, but I do a decentish job of pulling off the faking it ’til I make it. And being a grown-up means realizing that life is going to be messy, life is not going to be perfect and I’m going to be figuring out this big old world every day for the rest of my life.
I’m grown-up, just not finished growing. 😉