We celebrated my ‘little’ brother’s 17th birthday this past weekend. SEVENTEEN. Lordy, I remember changing his diapers and feeding him baby food. Where on earth has the time gone?!

I find myself wondering that more and more lately. The Jewels woke up grumpy from her name during the birthday party and refused to let me put her done. Three-year-old Miss Priss is no lightweight to be hefting around on my hip anymore – but the moments were her were precious because she doesn’t like to be cuddle or held by me much anymore. She sat on my lap and I got to cuddle her and sing her a song I used to sing whenever she was grumpy and needed to be soothed. It still soothes her and I wonder if she remembers it from when she was a wee one.

I don’t have much more time with the Jewels and already, she and I aren’t as close as we once were. The way she clung to me yesterday was abnormal for her. Generally, she would rather sit with another sibling. I’ll go to pick her up, give her a hug or try to play with her and the stubborn miss will run away and cling to one of the younger kids. Me? Nope. I’m chopped liver. I blame it on the overtime I’ve put in for the last nine months and how little I’ve been home due to it. The last year has gone by fast and I know the next five months until the wedding will fly by even more quickly.

It’s hard because on the one hand, I don’t want the months to fly by (we have so much to do and I want to enjoy the time that I have left at home and the time we have left as an engaged couple), but on the other hand, oh boy, I’m so ready to be married and his wife. It’s a conundrum; I don’t want to lose these moments – like the moments of cuddling my baby sister who will grow up even faster when I’ve moved out – but at the same time, I’m eager to begin the next stage of life and enjoy those moments as well.

I supposed I can’t have my cake and eat it too, huh? Things are going to change no matter what and I’d better get used to it. In the meantime, I’m going to try to enjoy every moment that I have left…and not let wedding stress steal them away from me.

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