So. Here’s the thing. In some ways, I’m very much like my mom, especially in the respect that I’m an organizer and like to plan ahead on things AND follow through. In a large family, it’s often vital to make a schedule and stick to it (within reason) because if there’s one thing that a large family creates, it’s CHAOS. And organization and planning helps minimize the chaos.
I’ve inherited this trait of organization and planning. It’s a good trait to have, at least to an extent, especially since I off-set a somewhat disorganized husband. For instance? He went rummaging through a pile of papers looking for something tonight and I was able to find the missing item. Where was it? Exactly where it should be: in a file with the rest of the paperwork correlating to it. I’m good at that kind of stuff and I guess you could call it a control thing. I like being able to find things when I want them or need them. And I like knowing when things will happen and knowing that we will follow through on them.
But – I married a fire-fighter and a call fire-fighter at that. I haven’t the faintest clue when he’ll leave on a call and our plans, as well laid as they might be, might be interrupted, put off or ruined entirely.
Not my favorite thing at all. It’s an adjustment and while I thought I’d prepared myself as much as possible as a girlfriend and fiancee, by being supportive even when my time with him ended up being time with his family because he’d spent half of it gone on a call…it doesn’t quite prepare you for the real thing. For life interrupted.
Tonight, we had plans and tonight half of those plans got interrupted, put off. And I’m going to admit it: I got mad, I got frustrated and I felt like throwing something at the door after it closed behind him. It isn’t fun sometimes when you get left behind and he’s gone on an adrenaline rush of a call, especially when you know it’s going to put him in harm’s way. It isn’t fun and it doesn’t feel fair.
But you know what? That’s life. As much as you plan, as much as you organize it, you can’t control it.
Sometimes I wonder if God brought this man into my life to teach me really how much I can control – which isn’t that much when it comes down to life overall. The only thing I can control is my behavior, my reaction to the interruptions. Honestly? I’m not looking forward to the day when we have kids and life with them is interrupted. It’s gonna be a LOT hairier and harder to deal with when there are babies in the mix. Just sayin’.
But, tonight? Well, tonight…I’m just glad for a chance to write it all out and for Netflix to distract me with TV show reruns. Downton Abbey season 1 is calling my name; it’s a pretty poor substitute for a husband, but hey, it’s a distraction! 😉