I made the 37 minute drive to spend a little time with my future husband Sunday evening, after a family birthday party for my brother and cousin (both are turning 19, eep!). As I donned my coat to leave and gave everyone hugs goodbye, a family friend told me that she was praying for me, as I deal with all the wedding plans and crazy stress.
“THANK-YOU,” my dad said, “She needs them.” After a pause, he added: “We need them.”
Gee. Thanks, Dad. Love you, too!
I spent a couple hours working on the escort/place cards for the reception. I think I’m about halfway there with them and am so tickled pink with how they look. Just about exactly as I pictured in my head. Blue cardstock, brown ribbon and gold sealing wax, to tie in the colors decorating the reception hall. It was very soothing to work on something crafty with my hands and not stress about whether or not the florist was a bad decision on my part, or if the song I’ve picked for the processional will actually work (I have fears that it’s too slow of a march), or if I’ll get a migraine the day of the wedding, or the custodian will forget about opening the church in time for the rehearsal for us, or…!
My dad is right: I do need prayer.
I have been stressed a lot lately between the wedding plans, work stress and adjustments to ease us into married life. The stress, of course, has spilled over into family life here at home. Still, a lot of the stuff on my to-do list has not fallen on my family shoulders, if I can help it. I think that’s part of the stress; the burden I’ve put on myself to make sure that they don’t have to deal with much of it. I hate asking for help, even though people keep telling me: delegate, ask for help, stop stressing yourself. Part of is a result of not wanting to take advantage of anyone and part of it is the need to stay in control of things.
The vicious thing, however, is how much this need for control results in…STRESSED.
(DESSERTS backwards, right?? Where is my chocolate?!)
I was paging through my Idiots Guide to Planning the Perfect Wedding (hey, don’t judge – I’ve never done this and it was only $1.99 at the local discount store, so how could I resist?!) and found myself reading the chapter on Dealing With Wedding Stress. The follow excerpt made something go ding-ding! in my head.
By their very nature, weddings are stress-producing events. Your emotions are escalated because of the added burdens and worries associated with wedding planning–and that means more stress. Much of the stress comes from all the details you have to be involved with, along with a sense of not having control over all that’s going on. You might feel pulled in many directions as well; you have many advice givers and not enough supporters. At times, you might even wish that you and your partner had just chosen to elope.
Erm, yeah. They definitely have a point. I don’t like feeling as though I won’t be able to control 100% of the outcome with all the things that need to be done for the wedding and that fact alone is stressful. I need to let it go and trust that it will all fall into place, trust that God’s in control of things that I cannot control. It’s easy to say right now, when I’m in a quiet interlude and don’t feel pressured by possible problems and must-get-this-done! lists. It isn’t when you’re in the heat of the moment, when you’re standing in the kitchen making dinner, trying not feel totally inept at making decisions involving flowers or how to make dinner, when I feel as though I’m faking it far more often than actually making it.
You know what? Not having all the answers, not being the most experienced in this, not being in control of everything…it’s okay. I’m not super woman. I’m not a wedding planner. A lot of the decisions I’m making are entirely out of my ken and anything new is an adjustment. It’s okay to feel inexperienced, but it’s not okay to wallow in stress and fear.
The one thing I keep reminding myself is: it’s okay if everything doesn’t turn out as I plan and hope. It’s okay if stuff goes wrong. In the end, all that will matter is this one thing: that he and I will be married and beginning the rest of our life together.
That’s all that matters, when all’s said and done, after all. 🙂
(I still love how the place/escort cards look, even if they won’t matter much by May 2nd!)