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One definition of emotional purity:
Emotional purity is hardly even considered possible in our present society. But think of it this way: How would your future husband feel if he knew that some other guy had known your deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions? What would he think if some other man had known you even better than he himself knows you? Or how would you like it if some other girl had dozens of long, deep, Intimate conversations with your husband and knew practically everything there was to know about him?
You see, there is more than just your first kiss and your physical purity that you can save. There are many other “first” that will be very special if you make them special by saving them for the right time rather than trying to generate romance with every young man you get to know. Sure, most girls your age treat all these things casually. Sure, they might be having fun now, but how is it going to affect their marriages later?
My recommendation for all teenagers is to wait to develop a relationship with someone of the opposite sex until they are ready for marriage. I am not saying that all contact with the opposite sex should be avoided, but this contact should not be in an intimate way, one-on-one situations should be avoided.
There is a lot of talk about sexual abstinence and sexual purity before one gets married, but what about emotional purity? No one writes or discusses this very important issue. Emotional purity simply means to not become emotionally attached with the opposite sex until you are truly ready to be married.
Becoming emotionally entangled over and over again with the opposite sex can result in disastrous results in marriage.
Remaining emotional pure for marriage simply means you have never recreationally “dated” the opposite sex. In other words you have never gotten emotionally attached to someone. This is an ideal candidate for marriage and let me explain why.
Jonathan Lindvall’s definition:
Clearly there is a line that “no one should go beyond” outside of marriage to uphold moral purity in physical relationships. But is there similarly a line regarding emotional purity? What did Paul mean when he warned each not to “defraud his brother in this matter?” What is defrauding?
Fraud involves deceiving or misleading someone. In business defrauding is cheating– leading someone to expect certain benefits and then, after they have begun limiting other opportunities based on this expectation, backing out of the deal. Defrauding is inciting in someone else a desire that you are unable or unwilling to fulfill. Does this ever happen in romantic relationships? Isn’t that what flirting is?
Apparently Paul here was saying, “Don’t cross the line physically and don’t even flirt with their emotions!” God calls us to both physical purity and emotional purity.
What is emotional impurity? Simply put, it isn’t saving your heart for your future spouse
and/or lusting with the emotions. Dating before you are ready to get married isn’t always
emotionally impure, but it can lead to that very quickly. If you fall in love at the age of fourteen,
the likelihood of marrying that person is small. When you do get married, you won’t be able to
say that this is the one and only person you’ve ever loved. You haven’t saved your heart for them
and them alone.
I define “emotional purity” in the same way that popular homeschool writers have: it is the idea of “guarding your heart”. Which sounds all noble and righteous and everything but in this context is really just a facade for fear. Fear of loving and losing. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being damaged. Fear of not measuring up. In my life it meant never having a crush on a guy, never allowing myself to “fall in love”, basically training myself to shut down a normal, healthy, functioning part of my human heart.
Robin Phillips on Emotional Purity:
“Purity…” writes John Thompson, “means no physical affection or romantic emotions prior to God’s approval.”[1] Now it is one thing to argue against physical affection prior to ‘God’s approval’ – which in Thompson’s phraseology refers to parental authorization – but no romantic emotions? Yet, like it or lump it, that is exactly what is meant by emotional purity: complete absence of romantic emotions, thoughts, desires or aspirations, until the father says ‘Go!’
I have a friend named Emily who had always accepted the teaching about emotional purity and believed that to have a crush on a boy amounted to nurturing an idol in her heart. However, when Emily actually found herself being attracted to a young man, she was helpless to know how to handle it. Nor were matters helped when friends began to come up to Emily and say, “Don’t you know that you are committing emotional fornication? You’re being promiscuous and I think you should be careful to save yourself totally for your future husband.”
Jessica Telian on Emotional Purity at YLCF:
One of the main concepts taught by advocates of “emotional purity” is that if you get emotionally attached to someone and the relationship doesn’t work out, then you’ve given “pieces of your heart” to him. According to these teachings, the “missing” pieces will then leave your heart in a sorry condition for the man you do marry…
…Another issue that arises from this teaching is found in the phrase itself. The words “emotional purity” themselves end up condemning people, because they imply that if you “fail” and become emotionally connected to whomever you are courting, then you are emotionally impure. This contributes to a lot of unnecessary guilt in young people who are honestly seeking to honor God.
Updated: February 7, 2011
Danae said:
Good compilation. Thanks for sharing!
Sarai said:
“But think of it this way: How would your future husband feel if he knew that some other guy had known your deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions? What would he think if some other man had known you even better than he himself knows you?”
I’m guessing fathers are excepted from this, considering that they advocate that fathers “have the heart” of their daughters?
I think we should start an “emotional purity” campaign that argues that fathers count as “another guy”, and that they should not be allowed to know any of the thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions of their daughters, lest they take a piece of the heart that was meant for their daughter’s future husband. Not sure how well that would go over…
Krista said:
I think we should start an “emotional purity” campaign that argues that fathers count as “another guy”, and that they should not be allowed to know any of the thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions of their daughters, lest they take a piece of the heart that was meant for their daughter’s future husband. Not sure how well that would go over…
I think you have something there, Sarai! 🙂 Hm…maybe you should bring it up at HSA!
Hope said:
RIGHT?!?!?
How would I feel if I knew my husband had had deep intimate converstations with another girl??
Quite happy, thank you, because it I would know they were friends and be confident that he KNEW how to have a deep conversation with a female as a result of it! Goodness!
Joanna said:
Ditto, Sarai! I’d like to see where that discussion leads… 😀
Great compilation Krista. I vehemently disagree with the idea that “emotional purity” is equal to physical purity.
Jo said:
Sarai, that is an awesome observation.
Hannah said:
“But think of it this way: How would your future husband feel if he knew that some other guy had known your deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions? What would he think if some other man had known you even better than he himself knows you?”
This can’t apply to someone who has been married, lost their spouse, and is now considering remarriage.
I think there is wisdom in cautioning men and women against getting emotionally entangled with someone in a romantic sense when they are not ready to get married, or cannot marry the specific person… but to bring in the idea of “purity” seems to place romantic emotions on the same level as virginity. Isn’t that a little extreme?
letyrcslady said:
The concept that “Nobody is writing about it” isn’t true- The idea of emotional purity is
rather prevalent in our culture.
What makes me so sad about it is the concept of ‘giving one’s heart away’ and the guilt that entails.
I am currently dating the man I intend to marry, and I have had to struggle with the guilt of feeling like the two other young men I’ve had close friendships with have some how taken something away from him that can never be replaced. I lived in fear of crushes.
I felt very very guilty when I allowed myself to become so attached to this young man that I spoke up about it. There was nothing wrong with me voicing that I thought he was really cool and would like to get to know him more- and yet I mentally berated myself /Did I just lose a piece of my heart by letting him know *gasp* that I like-liked him?/
It is something I’m having to grow through, and I’ve had to learn that by God’s grace, a heart is healed, and that natural, biological attraction isn’t bad. I don’t think serial dating- becoming emotionally attached to many people over and over is a good idea- but I think God can heal wounds of the heart and I do not think that it is a finite object that pieces can be given away of.
Just a thought
❤
Wymise Clerzeau said:
Can you be emotional impure with somebody
e·mo·tion
/iˈmōSHən/
Noun
A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
Any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc.
Synonyms
feeling – sensation – sentiment – agitation – excitement
(which gives us the ability to accurately identify our feelings)
1 Thessalonians 4:3-6
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.
Emotional Impurity:Is defrauding a person for your own desires. Allowing the person to desire you. (withith intention or not). When you have no intentions in marriage or relationship
. Emotional impact of fraud/ Emotionally defrauding someone. You can do this intentionally or not intentionally. Learn how to guard your heart and keep it emotionally pure.
If someone gains your trust or start to deeply care about you. What can happen is you can take advantage, manipulate, or influence their emotions. And and our emotions can give us the ability to accurately identify our feelings.
Strong Lexicon’s states that the word defraud comes from the Greek word.(pleonekteo) which means to have more or to gain or take advantage of another to over reach.
Taking advantage of someone is getting emotionally impure with them. One defines it as teasing them with what they can not have. When you play the emotions of expectations without expecting to satisfy them in a righteous way. Especially not for a commitment but just momentarily for your needs. Which is being unholy and impure which makes being emotional impure a sin. For example dating someone for a while but not intending to marry them.This can really hurt someone and damage them deeply. But God can heal them, that person has not completely took your heart away from their future spouse.
So does that mean to begin living in fear of the opposite sex and not love them at all. No! that is sin. Emotions is needed to love.d God calls us to love all, but love in (agape) way not in fear.Some suggest that the Greek word agape means a deeper love, while the Greek word phileo means friendship or affection.Christ calls us to love with a deep love. Ex:John 21:15-17
You must agape love all but with doing so protect your heart. By protecting your heart you should consider the following;
Proverbs 4:23 NIV
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
James 4:7-8 ESV
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Galatians 5:16 ESV /
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
In conclusion; emotional impurity does exist. You have to protect your heart not just for yourself but for your brother/ sister in Christ.Consider it. Pray about it and let the scriptures guide you. Amen God bless! 🙂