Cue the thousands of cheering children who are ecstatic about testing out new Christmas sleds during the week off from school.
Cue my groan of disgust.
Yes. I am a Grinch. The older I get, the more I hate that white stuff. You have to shovel it. Worry about driving in it. Deal with getting to work in it.
I. Hate. Snow.
I can hear the scores of people who live in warm climates protesting my disgust: “But it’s so pretty! But it’s so much fun! But you don’t know what it’s like not to get snow!” (There might be a few crazy natives who actually like the wretched white stuff. I ignore them.)
I actually wrote a lengthy list proving exactly why snow is so despicable. And then I realized that in order to stay sane this winter, I need to put on my positive boots (positive boots? yeah, in my imagination they are vivid pink) and look at the bright side. Pollyanna? Me? Ha.
Snow is good because…
– it provides insulation for drafty old houses. Usually. We’re ignoring the snow drift at the back of the old barn attached to the house. Um yeah.
– it gives the kids something to do when they start getting cabin fever. GO OUTSIDE AND SHOVEL! Bwahaha, work off their energy and benefit from slave labor at the same time, love it!
– it provides you with a perfectly plausible and logical reason to leave work at 5 PM instead of working late: “Oh crap, it’s really dark out and look at the snow coming down. Well, gotta get home before it gets worse!” Tada, less guilt for us workaholics!
– it creates the best excuse to have a cup of the most delicious hot cocoa you’ve ever tasted, topped with marshmallow fluff – best consumed while reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (don’t ask me why, but hot chocolate always tastes richer and chocolatier when you’re reading Roald Dahl’s books – it must be magic).
– if the power doesn’t go out, you can have movie marathons and snuggle up on the couch with your favorite people. And eat popcorn. Lots of popcorn with butter and salt. Mmm…
– the woods turn magical during a snowstorm, when the world is so insulated in snow not a sound can be heard and all you can see is snowflakes…that’s when you get the craving for a winter hike with your favorite someone. And who knows, you might, somehow, find yourself in Narnia and bumping into Mr. Tumnus!
And, more importantly…
– we don’t go through a winter in New England without snow. And we can’t get to spring and ze wedding unless we first make it through winter. Therefore, snow is a necessary evil good, just as winter is a necessary evil good, to grin and bear enjoy in order to arrive at the destination labeled: MAY 2011 WEDDING.
So yeah: bring on the snow so we can get to spring! Just…don’t deluge us, okay? Please, fluffy snowflakes?
(PS – Early spring, please? I want to work on my tan…yeah, I know, I ask for a LOT!)